I'm unsettled. It's been a few years, but it's something that's hard to get use to. Feeling like you don't have a place where you fit. New York's been good for me though. Been here over a year now and I'm still into it. When I talked about working on projects before, now I am actually working. I'm doing things. And in that sense finding a place for myself.
It's kinda funny though. New York. It feels like a big first-year of college, which for me was everyone not knowing anyone and almost hanging out with all these different types of folks out of necessity not interest, everyone excited about starting new projects and rich kids slummin' it for fun.
And I hang out with these kids. To get back to not having a place. Kids who almost unknowingly have a fetish-like interest in my lifestyle. Who are slummin' it. What does that mean? That they have a choice of lifestyle and I don't. Maybe I don't really know. And what's my lifestyle? Not really having a job, not really having a place to live, not really owning a lot of things, no rent, no bills really, self-sufficiency in an abstract sense. Riding bikes everywhere, somehow knowing how to fix em up and Food Stamps. Knowing a lot of people and doing a lot of different things. But it's like. I don't have a choice. So how fun is that really?
This is maybe why I didn't finish college. Feeling like I don't fit in. That my place isn't there. But now I'm doing it. Hanging out with these bourgie punks. Almost fitting in. It almost being OK. Because I almost couldn't handle it when I was 18. Learning that people could be so different from eachother. It's like I have a new confidence that allows me to do this. Not being bound to a predetermine role in life. Not thinking these kids are better than me. And maybe I am better for it. More active. More involved in the things that I want to be.
So I wanna talk about the things I am doing. How growing up outside of Dallas in some hick-ass, highly segregated, gaping hole of a town doesn't have to mean my future involves unplanned pregnancies and a job working at some corporate chain, even though I'm still where dirty clothes and I don't own any property, which was expected of me.
One thing my friends and I are doing right now is creating a ladies and queers bike polo league as an alternative to the "bro" dominated nycpolo.com "scene" in New York. It's super fun. More later. but here are some photos for now.
